Are you caught in the either/or trap?
Frank & Eddy Quarterly, Q2 2024
A few years ago, in another lifetime, at another (much larger) company, we created a career framework (it’s what convinced us we’d work great together!). And we had a choice to make. Do we write this ourselves? We were certainly experienced and trusted enough to do it, and it would be faster. Or do we involve others? That would get us more buy-in and help people feel invested, but it would be slower. Given our goal was to create a framework that was accepted and used by all, we needed a way to do both. We realized that this was not an either/or situation; we had to balance the polarities of being both directive and participative.
What is a polarity?
A polarity (also known as a paradox, wicked problem, or duality) refers to two poles or viewpoints within a system that seem at odds. Polarities can create tension and potential conflict, especially in collaborative teams where many might be involved in a decision. But despite appearing as opposites, they are interdependent. Focusing too much on one undermines sustainable outcomes. For example, in terms of well-being, overdoing activity forces us to rest, while too much rest leads to boredom and prompts us to become active again.
Unrecognized and unmanaged polarities lead to unnecessary conflict, with people arguing about which direction to take. And then, when either/or choices are made, we often swing between extreme opposites, creating inefficiency, disruption, and demotivation. But by embracing and artfully cycling between these opposing tensions over time, we reap the benefits of each without falling into the downside extremes. This approach makes us more successful, innovative, and resilient in the long run.
Navigating polarities is hard!
Polarities are inherently difficult for several reasons:
They’re uncomfortable. It’s natural to want to solve problems by choosing one option over another to relieve the tension of holding opposing ideas simultaneously.
Beliefs or incentives influence us. We tend to choose actions that align with our values or for which we expect to be rewarded.
Personal preferences create bias. We favor one approach over another and rationalize its benefits while emphasizing the risks of the alternative.
Time cycles. Immediate results are often prioritized, causing us to undervalue the longer-term need for balance.
We’re incentivized to pick one. In school and early careers, we learn that solving questions “correctly” is rewarded, leading us to think that if one solution is right, all others must be wrong.
As a leader, you can (must!) manage polarities to reduce conflicts and reactivity. Help those experiencing the polarity understand that neither option is inherently more valuable than the other. Start by creating an environment that fosters deeper dialogue and collaborative relationships, encouraging conversations to clarify when to go in which direction.
What to do
When you encounter a conflict or question, determine if it is a problem or a polarity. Problems have definitive answers through either/or choices (e.g. which tool to use), experimentation (e.g. how to solve climate change), or prioritizing options (e.g. how to increase product user share without cannibalizing users from other products).
If it’s a polarity, you’ll answer “yes” to the following questions:
Are the different options interdependent?
Is this problem ongoing?
If we give attention to one alternative and neglect the other, will we ultimately need to apply the neglected alternative?
So you’ve found a polarity, now what?
Create a Polarity Map™ to visualize the positives of focusing on each pole and the downsides of over-focusing on either one. This is not a pro/con list; it's a method (created by Barry Johnson) to prevent undesired outcomes in systems.
Use the map to:
Assess where you currently stand in relation to the two poles. Are you all of one, all of the other, or somewhere in between?
Build a shared language and reference point for leveraging the polarity. This helps avoid the tendency to talk only about the upside of “our own” view and the downside of the other by seeing everything on the map together.
Once you have a good map and shared understanding of the polarities, collaborate with others to decide when to lean in which direction. Make choices to purposefully sequence your focus between the opposing poles over defined phases and cycles, allowing you to benefit from each in planned, repeating patterns rather than fluctuating wildly. Identify signs indicating you're drifting too far toward one side, and pre-define triggers to rebalance efforts proactively before negative effects set in.
Looking back at our career framework, how did moving between directive and participative play out? Leveraging the polarities over time was one of the primary reasons the framework launched successfully with HR, manager, and IC approval.
In directive, we:
Created an initial draft and ultimately a final draft ourselves, helping us move fast
Recognized early signs of over-focusing on directive: when there was too much of “just us in a room” or getting stuck or others might start wondering what we were working on – which led us to reach out to others for input and ideas
In participative, we:
Designed interactive work sessions, asked what people objected to, solicited others to contribute supporting material in order to gather input and generate excitement at the right times
Recognized early signs of over-focusing on participative: when groups were getting stuck trying to wordsmith, or there were many voices saying the same thing or intractable disagreement – which led us to be more directive in the form of distilling feedback and decision-making/tie-breaking
We hope this has you thinking about potential polarities in your teams!
Further reading: Polarity Mapping was created by Barry Johnson. Find his resources here.
Thanks also to Behnosh Esni whose exquisite explanations underpin our understanding, and from whom we have drawn inspiration to write this.
What’s excited us this q
1. 🙋 Market research! We’ve been interviewing many folks to understand the biggest leadership growth opportunities at their particular company’s scale and maturity. One of the major themes that has surfaced is a challenge for this generation of incredibly empathetic leaders to find balance and directness in serving their teams, their organizations, and themselves. Reach out if you’d like to chat!
2. 🏢 Team Workshops IRL! We love working remote, but what a breath of fresh air to be able to work with whiteboards, paper and movement. It helped that it was with a company we know is aligned with our values. Thanks, Etsy!
What’s pushed our thinking this q
1. 🎙️WNYC’s Dolly Parton's America unexpectedly had us contemplating forgiveness, boundaries, spirituality, and what “home” means.
2. 🎨What is time anyway? This MoMA exhibition about life cycles started a random thought path: Time is a measurement of change. → Conceptualizing change over long life cycles is difficult (impossible?). → Time might not actually exist. → Therefore, just be present.